The Fear of Losing and the Fear of Winning

This month we’re prepping for the Lumos Intramural Open, our version of the CrossFit Games Open. I’ll be diving into some thoughts around competing and how it shapes us, challenges us, and sometimes causes us to act like absolute goons 🙂

Most people talk about the fear of failure. It’s the reason we hesitate to enter competitions, take on challenges, or put ourselves in situations where we might fall short. But what’s less talked about—and just as real—is the fear of winning.

It sounds counterintuitive. Why would anyone be afraid of success? But once you understand it, you start to see how both fears—losing and winning—can trap us in the same cycle of self-doubt, avoidance, and stagnation. The key to breaking free? Understanding what’s really at stake when we step into the arena.

The Anxiety of Losing

Losing hurts. There’s no sugarcoating that. You train, prepare, pour your effort into something, and then—someone else is better. Or maybe you just weren’t at your best that day. Maybe you made a mistake, and that mistake cost you the whole thing.

Losing stings because it forces us to confront uncomfortable truths:

• Maybe we’re not as good as we thought.
• Maybe our best wasn’t enough.
• Maybe all the work we put in didn’t pay off the way we wanted it to.

That last one is especially painful. We’re conditioned to believe that effort should always equal reward. But competition doesn’t work that way. Hard work increases your odds, but it doesn’t guarantee victory. And when we lose, it can feel like all our effort was wasted.

That’s why so many people avoid competing altogether. If they never put themselves in a position to lose, they never have to face those uncomfortable questions. They can stay in the illusion that, if they did compete, they probably would have won. But that’s not confidence—that’s fear disguised as self-preservation.

The Hidden Fear of Winning

If losing is so painful, why would anyone be afraid of winning? Simple—because winning comes with its own set of pressures.

When you win, expectations change. You’re no longer the underdog; you’re the standard. People start to expect you to win again. The pressure builds.

Suddenly, you’re not just competing against others—you’re competing against your own past success. And that can be suffocating.

This fear often leads to self-sabotage. Some people will subconsciously hold themselves back in competition because they’re afraid of the responsibility that comes with success. Others will win once and then retreat, too scared to risk losing their newfound reputation.

And worst of all, some people become so attached to their identity as “the winner” that they stop taking risks altogether. They only compete in places where they know they can win. They stop putting themselves in situations where they might fail. And ironically, that’s when their real progress stops.

Breaking Free from Both Fears

Whether you fear losing or fear winning, the root of both anxieties is the same—you’re tying your self-worth to the outcome.

If you only feel valuable when you win, losing will feel like a personal attack. If you only feel safe when you’re an underdog, winning will feel like a burden. The key is to detach your identity from the result and focus on what actually matters: growth.

Here’s how:

1. Redefine Success – Instead of defining success as winning, define it as improving. Did you perform better than last time? Did you learn something new? Did you push your limits? That’s real success.
2. Embrace the Risk – Winning and losing are just part of the game. If you never put yourself in a position to lose, you’ll never put yourself in a position to grow.
3. Let Go of the Pressure to Prove Something – You don’t have to justify your worth through competition. You’re not your leaderboard ranking. You’re not your PRs. You’re the sum of all the lessons you’ve learned along the way.
4. Compete for the Right Reasons – If you’re competing just to avoid losing, or just to keep your reputation intact, you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. Compete because you want to test yourself. Because you love the challenge. Because it’s fun.

Winning and Losing Are Just Stops on the Journey

At the end of the day, both winning and losing are temporary. You can lose today and win tomorrow. You can win today and struggle for months after. The key is to see both as just part of the larger journey—not defining moments, but stepping stones.

So stop letting the fear of losing keep you from competing. And stop letting the fear of winning keep you from stepping up again. The real victory isn’t in the result—it’s in the willingness to keep showing up.