Part 3: How to Spot the Red Flags — and Find Someone Better
By now, you know the playbook: gurus sell certainty. They build their brand on a foundation of infallibility. And once they hit a certain level of fame, growth becomes too risky for them — admitting they’re still learning might cost them credibility, followers, or sales.
But what about the rest of us? Those of us trying to find real guidance, real support, and a real shot at becoming better?
This is where we sharpen our senses.
Because there are real coaches out there — people who stay curious, stay humble, and put the client’s progress over their own ego. And there are also a lot of people pretending to be that.
So let’s talk about how to tell the difference.
They Offer Secrets — Not Systems
One of the clearest early signs of guru behavior is the promise of a “secret.” Maybe it’s a breakthrough workout nobody else knows about. Maybe it’s a hidden supplement protocol, or a mindset shift that will “unlock your full potential.” Whatever it is, the guru doesn’t just explain it — they guard it like sacred treasure. And they usually dangle it behind a paywall.
This kind of messaging preys on our frustration. When you’ve tried everything and still don’t feel or look the way you want, the idea that there’s just one more piece of the puzzle can be irresistible.
But real coaches don’t offer secrets. They offer systems. A system is teachable, adaptable, and transparent. It explains not just what to do, but why. It gives you tools you can use for life — not just something you have to keep buying from them over and over again.
They React to Criticism with Ego, Not Curiosity
Another warning sign: watch how they respond when challenged. Ask a difficult question. Offer a counterpoint. Bring up a different perspective or a new study. See what happens.
If they react defensively, mock the source, or paint all dissent as “haters” and “negativity,” you’re not dealing with a coach. You’re dealing with someone protecting their personal mythology.
True coaches welcome questions. They see every client conversation as a chance to clarify, explain, or — when necessary — rethink. Not because they love being challenged, but because they value truth more than they value being right. And they understand that every good system needs stress-testing to stay sharp.
They Reduce Complex Problems to Easy Answers
In the land of gurus, everything is simple. Weight loss? Just cut out carbs. Tired all the time? You’re not hustling hard enough. Injuries? Must be your weak mindset.
They’ll throw slogans at you like they’re solutions. And if you dare to suggest that maybe the situation is a little more complicated, they’ll accuse you of making excuses.
But anyone who’s worked with real humans — not just Instagram filters — knows that health, fitness, and change are complex. They involve biology, psychology, relationships, stress, sleep, hormones, time, trauma, access to resources… the list goes on.
A good coach isn’t afraid of that complexity. They wade into it with you. They help you navigate it, bit by bit. And most importantly, they don’t insult your intelligence by pretending the answer is always a five-word mantra and a grit-your-teeth mindset.
They Sell Themselves, Not the Work
This one can be tricky, because modern platforms reward charisma. A good coach can have a strong online presence. They might even have a six-pack or a powerful personal story.
But the difference is that a real coach points the spotlight away from themselves. Their brand might include their personality — but it doesn’t depend on it. Their content is useful even if you’ve never heard their name before. Their success isn’t built on being idolized. It’s built on helping people.
Gurus, on the other hand, sell themselves as the product. Their lifestyle is the pitch. Their body is the proof. And when you strip away the aesthetic, there’s nothing underneath — no process, no education, no method that works outside of the specific way they do it.
If the system only works if you’re living their exact life? It’s not a system. It’s cosplay.
The Coaches Worth Trusting Say “It Depends”
This is the real giveaway. If someone always has a black-and-white answer to every fitness, nutrition, or mindset question, they are either lying to you or oversimplifying something they shouldn’t.
Great coaches live in the grey.
They’ll ask you follow-up questions. They’ll say, “That depends — tell me more.” They’ll walk you through possible options instead of prescribing a one-size-fits-all fix. And yes, that might feel a little less magical at first. But it’s how real, lasting change is built — with collaboration, context, and critical thinking.
“It depends” isn’t a dodge.
It’s a doorway.
It means they’re thinking — not just preaching.
They Make You Smarter, Not Just Fitter
Here’s a final litmus test: after working with this person, do you feel more empowered? More knowledgeable? More capable of making decisions on your own?
Because a great coach’s job is to make themselves less necessary over time. They don’t want lifelong dependency. They want you to become someone who understands your body, knows how to adapt, and has the confidence to steer your own ship.
If a coach teaches you how to fish — instead of making you pay them every time you want dinner — that’s someone worth sticking with.
The Choice Is Yours — But You Deserve Better
There are a lot of voices out there right now. Some are loud. Some are shiny. Some are downright seductive in their certainty.
But loud isn’t the same as wise.
And certainty isn’t the same as truth.
You don’t need a guru.
You don’t need someone who’s already “arrived.”
You need someone who’s still walking — someone with dirty boots and a notebook full of questions, not just answers.
You need someone who listens before they talk.
Someone who updates their opinions when the facts change.
Someone who sees you, not just another slot in their funnel.
So sharpen your filters. Ask the hard questions. And if someone promises you the world in a sentence or a sales page?
That’s your cue to turn around and keep looking.
Next Up: Why We All Deserve Better
In our final installment, we’ll talk about what a real coaching relationship looks like when it’s grounded in curiosity, respect, and progress over perfection. Because at the end of the day, you don’t just need to avoid the bad stuff — you need to know what great actually looks like.
