How to Get a Friend or Family Member Into Fitness Without Pushing Them Away
When I first started as a young CrossFit trainer, I thought I had all the answers. I was fired up about functional fitness, convinced it was the answer to every problem, and absolutely sure I knew what everyone—my family included—needed to do to get healthier.
My brother and dad were my first “clients,” though not by their choice. I dogmatically pointed out all the things they were doing wrong and hammered them with unsolicited advice about why they needed to ditch their routines and join me at the gym. Unsurprisingly, this didn’t work. They tuned me out faster than you can say “AMRAP.”
It wasn’t until I backed off and stopped trying to fix them that things started to change. I focused on enjoying my own fitness journey, sharing stories about the fun I was having, and leading by example. Over time, they started asking questions. My brother wanted to know about the cool new lifts I was trying. My dad wanted help with exercises that would make his shoulder feel better. By meeting them where they were and respecting their goals—rather than pushing mine onto them—I finally helped them find their own way into fitness.
Here’s what I learned about how to welcome people into the fitness world the right way—and avoid pushing them away in the process.
1. Don’t Start With “You’re Doing It Wrong”
Nothing will shut someone down faster than criticism, especially if they didn’t ask for your opinion. When you tell someone their workout routine is ineffective, their diet is flawed, or their goals are misplaced, you’re not building a bridge—you’re burning one.
Instead of pointing out flaws, focus on what they’re already doing well. Are they taking regular walks? Playing pickleball? Carrying heavy groceries? These are all forms of movement worth celebrating. Acknowledging what someone is already doing creates a foundation of trust and opens the door for conversation, rather than defensiveness.
2. Lead by Example
The most effective way to get someone interested in fitness is to show, not tell. When I stopped preaching to my dad and brother and just enjoyed my workouts, they started noticing the results—not just physically but mentally. I was happier, more energized, and always talking about the fun I was having with my gym friends. That made them curious.
Your excitement about fitness should be genuine and contagious, not forced. Share your victories and challenges, but don’t make them the centerpiece of every conversation. Let them come to you when they’re ready to learn more.
3. Respect Their Goals and Needs
One of the biggest lessons I learned with my dad was that his goals were different from mine. I wanted to get stronger and compete in CrossFit, while he wanted to stay active, reduce shoulder, back, and knee pain (yup, he’s a special case), and be able to enjoy biking and other weekend activities without discomfort.
Fitness isn’t one-size-fits-all. What works for you might not work for them, and that’s okay. Take the time to understand their goals and help them find an approach that fits their life. This might mean walking together instead of hitting the gym or helping them find a beginner class they feel comfortable in.
4. Be Flexible and Patient
Getting someone into fitness isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon. It takes time for people to warm up to the idea, especially if they’ve had negative experiences with exercise in the past. They might not love what you love, and that’s okay. Be flexible and let them explore different options until they find something that clicks.
For example, maybe your friend hates the gym but loves hiking. Invite them to hit a local trail instead of dragging them to your favorite spin class. The goal is to help them build a positive association with movement, not force them into a mold they don’t fit.
5. Share, Don’t Preach
There’s a big difference between sharing your experience and telling someone what they should do. Sharing is conversational: “I tried this new workout last week, and it was a blast!” Preaching is directive: “You have to try this workout. It’s the best thing for you.”
The former invites curiosity; the latter creates pressure. When you share, you’re offering information without expectation. You’re planting a seed and letting them decide if and when to water it.
6. Celebrate Small Wins Together
When they do start making moves toward fitness, no matter how small, celebrate it! Whether it’s joining you for a single walk or signing up for their first class, acknowledge their efforts and cheer them on. Positive reinforcement builds confidence and momentum.
7. Remember, It’s Their Journey, Not Yours
At the end of the day, the goal isn’t to make someone a carbon copy of your fitness routine. It’s to help them discover a lifestyle that works for them, on their terms. That might mean they never join you for CrossFit but instead find joy in yoga, swimming, or even backyard gardening. And that’s a win, too.
The lesson I learned the hard way is that fitness isn’t something you can force on anyone—it has to be something they choose for themselves. Your job isn’t to push; it’s to guide, support, and create an environment where they feel welcome to explore.
When you meet people where they are and let them set the pace, you’re not just helping them get healthier—you’re strengthening your relationship with them, too. And that’s a PR worth chasing.
